Wee wee wee, all the way home...
I'm back home now. There is so much going on in my mind about family, about relationships, about life and about death. We really are here for such a short time, we only have a limited number of days in our lives: what legacy will we leave behind? What legacy will I leave behind?
The older I get, the more clearly I can see how the decisions I make now so profoundly affect the rest of my life. When I listen to my grandparents and my parents speak, I can hear the results of the decisions they have made; in fact, I now realize that I am the product of those decisions. Any different choice along the way, and I wouldn't be sitting here blogging away my troubled little spirit.
When I look at the pictures of our family history, I see a portrait of success and failure - all within the same person; each generation a mere reflection of those before. I am thankful that I come from a long line of smart, outspoken, and confident women. When I don't feel I possess these qualities myself, I just reach into their gene-pool and lean on their strength.
I have also witnessed true love this weekend. The unconditional love only a parent holds for the child they created with their own bodies. And also the kind of love two people share after years and years of life together - the kind of love that can only be expressed with a tender look, a knowing glance, and a little touch with every passing. (My grandfather still grabs my grandmother every chance he gets... and she's over 80 years old!)
It makes me sad that love too dies. I've seen it die in the youngest of couples who I question if they ever had or even if they possess the ability to care about someone other themselves as much as to share this experience. I have felt the hope of this kind of love die when I separated from my ex-husband. I see it dying with the passing years and failing health of my grandparents. The grief can be overwhelming...
I cried on the way home. I cried for my grandparents; knowing this could be the last visit. I cried for my parents who know this as well. And I cried for me. Again, what legacy will I leave behind?
And perhaps, I cried with wonder and with fear; will I get my chance to experience that love and connection I see between my grandparents and my parents...
Sigh.
The older I get, the more clearly I can see how the decisions I make now so profoundly affect the rest of my life. When I listen to my grandparents and my parents speak, I can hear the results of the decisions they have made; in fact, I now realize that I am the product of those decisions. Any different choice along the way, and I wouldn't be sitting here blogging away my troubled little spirit.
When I look at the pictures of our family history, I see a portrait of success and failure - all within the same person; each generation a mere reflection of those before. I am thankful that I come from a long line of smart, outspoken, and confident women. When I don't feel I possess these qualities myself, I just reach into their gene-pool and lean on their strength.
I have also witnessed true love this weekend. The unconditional love only a parent holds for the child they created with their own bodies. And also the kind of love two people share after years and years of life together - the kind of love that can only be expressed with a tender look, a knowing glance, and a little touch with every passing. (My grandfather still grabs my grandmother every chance he gets... and she's over 80 years old!)
It makes me sad that love too dies. I've seen it die in the youngest of couples who I question if they ever had or even if they possess the ability to care about someone other themselves as much as to share this experience. I have felt the hope of this kind of love die when I separated from my ex-husband. I see it dying with the passing years and failing health of my grandparents. The grief can be overwhelming...
I cried on the way home. I cried for my grandparents; knowing this could be the last visit. I cried for my parents who know this as well. And I cried for me. Again, what legacy will I leave behind?
And perhaps, I cried with wonder and with fear; will I get my chance to experience that love and connection I see between my grandparents and my parents...
Sigh.
posted by Samantha at 5:49 p.m.
1 Comments:
crying..
such a simple action, yet it releases so much emotion
men dont understand the need to cry
they think it's a sign of weakness
possibly why women are emotionally stronger than men
but the point still remains
you cant see love in young people
because for them, love and lust are the same thing
and it wont be until they really truely feel it that they'll understand
it doesnt matter how you feel about your own lack of qualities
life's too short to care
your lack of self esteem and the like is natural
but you gotta remember that sometimes, pretending that you're strong will make you feel stronger
it's a possiblity that those that are confident, smart and outspoken; don't see it themselves
in fact most of the time they think their stupid and what not
but when they pretend that they're something
THEN they are something
i did an english thing and i realised that decision were everything
whether they were small or big, they are invariably life altering
it's nice you can see that
i have a habit of seeing things faster and bigger than other people
so it's nice to know SOMEONE else can see it too...
your decisions are yours
your life is yours
your emotions are yours
and it doesnt matter what you fear
and what you constantly worry on
because in the end
it's all about you...
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