Procrastinateur Extraordinaire
That is what I am right now. I am sitting here in front of my computer so overwhelmed with everything that I should be doing that I feel frozen in this yucky head space.
Six days until the ex becomes someone else's ball and chain and I'm still being stubborn. He's pulling all the stops and trying to guilt me into submission. I don't play that role anymore - my "yes dear" days are SO over. Consequence can be a real bitch and so can I. The ironic thing is that I derive no sense of pleasure from this, after years of being his "little woman", totally at his beck and call, the last thing I want is to be in this position. One more week...
While I'm whining - my grandparents are probably going to have to move out of their home into a longer term care facility. I'm really struggling with this. They are the definition of a true matriarch and patriarch of a huge family. Life is so short. Everything comes full circle. These cliches ring a little different when you're experiencing them. How roles so quickly become reversed where those who have cared for you for so long require care themselves. I grieve for their sense of loss as much as I do my own. I can't imagine what it must be like to slowly start to lose a life partner that you've been with for over 50 years...
Who am I kidding, I can't imagine even having a life partner at this point. You know when you get a feeling like you're going to be single forever? What scares me is the quiet acceptance that I feel about this. After a night out on the town, my optimism hasn't really increased. I'm just tired of getting hit on and then accused of being a tease when I don't put out or cough up a phone number. Don't get me wrong, it was great for my ego, I just miss hangin out with the boys - my guy buddies. I miss being able to drink and get stupid and laugh at crude jokes and dance and flirt and just be myself and best of all - be safe; emotionally and physically.
OK, I know I'm really whining now. :(
I've got to get to sleep before 3am and I have enough work in front of me to last until tomorrow night. I'll try to wrap up my pity party of one before I blog again.
UPDATE: I decided to test the limits of my procrastination and I watched a movie - Finding Neverland. If you haven't seen it, buy it. It will help you cry the tears you never knew were there.
Six days until the ex becomes someone else's ball and chain and I'm still being stubborn. He's pulling all the stops and trying to guilt me into submission. I don't play that role anymore - my "yes dear" days are SO over. Consequence can be a real bitch and so can I. The ironic thing is that I derive no sense of pleasure from this, after years of being his "little woman", totally at his beck and call, the last thing I want is to be in this position. One more week...
While I'm whining - my grandparents are probably going to have to move out of their home into a longer term care facility. I'm really struggling with this. They are the definition of a true matriarch and patriarch of a huge family. Life is so short. Everything comes full circle. These cliches ring a little different when you're experiencing them. How roles so quickly become reversed where those who have cared for you for so long require care themselves. I grieve for their sense of loss as much as I do my own. I can't imagine what it must be like to slowly start to lose a life partner that you've been with for over 50 years...
Who am I kidding, I can't imagine even having a life partner at this point. You know when you get a feeling like you're going to be single forever? What scares me is the quiet acceptance that I feel about this. After a night out on the town, my optimism hasn't really increased. I'm just tired of getting hit on and then accused of being a tease when I don't put out or cough up a phone number. Don't get me wrong, it was great for my ego, I just miss hangin out with the boys - my guy buddies. I miss being able to drink and get stupid and laugh at crude jokes and dance and flirt and just be myself and best of all - be safe; emotionally and physically.
OK, I know I'm really whining now. :(
I've got to get to sleep before 3am and I have enough work in front of me to last until tomorrow night. I'll try to wrap up my pity party of one before I blog again.
UPDATE: I decided to test the limits of my procrastination and I watched a movie - Finding Neverland. If you haven't seen it, buy it. It will help you cry the tears you never knew were there.
posted by Samantha at 9:42 p.m.
1 Comments:
Life partner?
Feffff!
Hell, I'd consider it lucky to find a man that you don't want to kill after 12 months.
=)
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