Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Exhaustion doesn't even begin...

to describe how I'm feeling. I am so happy to be home and yet I'm afraid to wake up tomorrow morning in my bed knowing I have to face the reality I walked away from last week. Yikes. Life goes on and doesn't wait for anyone. Along with that comes so much catch-up work that I feel completely overwhelmed. I kinda wish those men in white coats would take me away for another few days.

The funeral went alright as funerals go. So much grief and sadness. My grandfather looked very peaceful and I really sensed he is OK. I wrote and read the eulogy... definitely a more difficult task when there are hundreds (and I mean hundreds!) of teary eyes looking at you for words to ease grief and to console loss. How can mere words sum up such a wonderful man? I hope and I pray I did justice.

Thank you for your supportive emails and comments. I find my "real life" friends have not really been able to handle the state of mind I have been in. They want the old Sam back and she's just not ready yet...

Help me snap out of this guys - send me stupid quizzes and jokes and ridiculous websites to escape in for but a moment in my day.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Honoring a Great Man...

My grandfather passed away last night. He went peacefully and surrounded by love. I wasn't able to be there in body, but I certainly was in spirit. I phoned the hospital during the day, spoke with my grandmother and she put the phone to his ear so I could wish him peace and love. I heard some of his last breaths here on this earth...

One of my good friends, and probably one of the most "powerful" men I know (power in terms of strength of spirit), helped me last night. The words he said to me served as medicine for my grief and helped to cure the inconsolable little girl who simply weeps. He reminded me of the circle of life in which we are a part of. He explained how to say my grandfather "passed on"; he passed on his spirit and his life into all of us; his descendents who carry the infinite love he had for us.

My grandmother has asked me to write and deliver the eulogy. I am honored and scared. There will be many many many people there (think French Canadian Catholic families)... I've only been to one funeral before for my high school friend's dad. I'm not too sure what to expect. If anyone has words of wisdom to pass on, please do.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Prayers this way...

My grandpa really isn't doing very well... send peaceful thoughts my way. The docs called a family meeting yesterday. Things are falling into perspective: our time here is short. The other post I was working on is so insignificant.

I truly hope you are all where you want to be in life. Do that which makes you happy. Set your sights and make conscious decisions. When, not "if, our time comes, look back with peace. When my grandpa and I said our last good-byes this summer, there was peace in his eyes. I can only aspire to achieve such greatness.

(Sam cries...)

UPDATE: Thanks for the comments... ever feel like you were the only one?

Saturday, September 17, 2005

I am truly a procrastinateur extraordinaire aujourd'hui. I should be doing better things with my time... but I just don't feel like it. Here's looking at me looking at you in the lovely Land of Blog.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Weathering the days...

I feel like life is on the verge of spinning out of control. There's just so much going on, so much I should be doing. My mind is on so many things and totally in different directions.

I'm at the point where there are so many things I would like to be working on. I'm in a highly motivated "zone", I'm just frustrated that I can't do it all.

Ever feel like you have so much potential just not enough time to stretch that boundary?

UPDATE: I took this picture by the way... and lived to show it off!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

What to pick??!?!!!?

Now that I can post pictures, I can't decide what pictures to post! I know this is silly. I want to include just the "right" pictures - of places I've been, and things I've seen... hmmm...

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

O.S. Syndrome...

I'm afraid I've come down with O.S. Sydrome - Ostrich Syndrome. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed today and I just want to crawl in my flannel sheets under my down duvet and shut down. I took the morning off to get some errands done that could only be done during business hours. Yikes. Everything seemed like such an ordeal; for every little inch of ground I covered, I felt I had to scrap, scratch, and snarl. The scary thing about it is that I can smile so sweetly in between episodes and have someone so dazed and confused, either they're calling a psyc ward on me, or they just go ahead and give me what I want. The morning ended with a parking ticket due to a faulty meter... ever seen a lioness calmly snap a head off an antelope in a single bite? I guess the Lady Antelope shouldn't have questionned my integrity by doubting if the meter was actually broken... I wish I wasn't so scrappy sometimes. I wish I could say "whatever" to more situations... my brother does that really well. Hardly anything ruffles his feathers. I guess the French Canadian fire didn't get to him as bad. It's so early in the night - what do I do? Do I get 3 or 4 hours of work in now, or go to bed and wake up around 3am. Doesn't that sound retarded - wake up at 3am?!?! Sigh.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

I see Blogger made it easier to add a picture... I thought I'd break out of my comfort zone a little (a lot) and post a picture of me. This is me friends in the Land of Blog. Seeing that I really don't have many people checking this place out, I think I'm OK...

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Back Again!

I was gone again and I am home for a while now. Phew. I am so glad to be home... once again.