Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Big interview tomorrow morning...


Saturday, November 26, 2005

Tumbling down

I fell down the stairs this week. Ouch. I had 3 loads of laundry in my hands and my stairs turn towards the bottom... I failed to navigate that turn. I'm doing OK, just feeling silly and a little sore.

It's kind of gloomy and cloudy here today. I'm kinda glad. I find I get the most amount of work done in weather like this. I'm doing chores until 1pm and then interview prep work. I went for lunch with the HR person this week. I am so excited for my interview with him! There are 10 positions open for January 1, over 500 applicants, and I am determined to be one of the ten. It feels good to have that fire in the belly again. Lunch was amazing. He is very comfortable to be around, very commited to his job, and very funny. There were other people who are also interested in one of those jobs that were at the same lunch meeting. I was grateful for those who put their foot in their mouths or even worse, talked with food in their mouths... They helped to make me look that much better. Is that bad to say? Am I being "catty" or "feline" here? Meow?

Back to chores...

Tuesday, November 22, 2005


No matter where you go, there you are.

Love that saying. It's helped me today immensely. I create my own reality. I can't control what happens to me in my life, only how I react and feel about it. Don't think, just do. The power of positive thinking. And so it goes. Trite? Perhaps. Cliche? So.

I've been to more than one "motivational speaker" and listened to more than one of the tapes put out by today's "gurus". There really is something to it. It's just easy to forget once and a while. I didn't get this far in this lifetime on my charm and my smile. Yes, I admit, that maybe got me a few perks along the way.... but really, attitude is everything. No, I am not drunk. I just took a look at myself 2 years ago, 5 years ago, 14 years ago... I guess I concluded that I am a survivor, and I will continue to live beyond merely surviving.

Can you tell it's almost time for me to be a year older? I always get reflective around this time of year. Somehow I just always forget I go through this... My birthday is a real goal setting time for me. I set the mark pretty high. I've been so focused on career the last 5 years and now that I'm almost exactly where I want to be in that department, I'm forced to consider other areas of my life I've been neglecting. Look out dumbells - and no, I don't mean men. I mean weights and stairmasters and treadmills and laps at the pool. I want to see my triceps again. I want those quadriceps defined again. I've got a few weeks to think about it, but I think that's where this year's goals are headed...

It's a new day :)

I had a good sleep and I did wake up a little more on the "up" side than I have been lately. Oh the woes of a chronic over-achiever. Feeling sorry for myself wasn't getting me anywhere so I decided this morning that I was going to smile...

I'm sure you've heard of smile therapy - where you just keep smiling and your body can fool itself into thinking you just may be happy. Instead of glooming over half-empty, I just poured the damn glass down the drain and turned on the tap and poured a new glass. Cheers!

Let's hope the rest of the day continues so I don't turn to this blog and whine tonight...

Monday, November 21, 2005

Running On Empty

Man oh man oh man... I be a tired girl. I hate it when I get this way... there's so much I want to be doing to prepare for this interview next week, plus I have a project I should be working on... I so desparately have to do laundry - I'm down to either my overalls I wear to do renovation/painting work or ultra dressy business-type suits or formal wear... I'm fighting a cold... and... and...

Sheesh, I'm wearing myself out whining again.

Where did the old me go? I've lost a bit of my spark, my shine, my zip. I miss it. I miss me being like that. This fall has been a hard go and I'm scared that some of the knocks along the way have left me a little dented. I'm gonna call it a night and when I wake up tomorrow... I was trying to come up with something all optimistic and philosophical... let's try again... I'm gonna call it a night and I will wake up tomorrow.


Saturday, November 19, 2005

Ever lost something?

Ok, I lost that a few years ago too, well, maybe more than a few years ago, but sheeeoooot.

I'm missing something, I've turned my place upside down, and I still can't find it. Grrrrrooooaaaaarrrrr!

I'm losing my mind because I know it's here.... somewhere... laughing at me...

Friday, November 18, 2005

If my eyes are sleeping, why am I still typing?

I should have been in bed long ago. I actually watched TV tonight. I should consider making a habit out of it, a least a couple times a week anyways. I put my feet up, had a "beverage", and actually thought about nothing pertinent to my life. A vacation really. Yah, that's what I'll tell myself...


Oh, the woes that are out there. I have my single friends crying because they can't find a man and my friends in relationships crying because their man simply does not appreciate them (capital offense gentlemen) - isn't anyone happy out there?

I always think of Thelma and Louise: "You get what you settle for". Very simple, very profound.


This is how I see it. "Getting" a man isn't as difficult as finding a man who "gets" you - someone who passes you the pepper before you ask for it, someone who knows when to listen and when to fill in the silence, someone who intentionally seeks and chooses to do the little things, which we know, mean so much.


Whenever I'm negotiating with someone, I have a phrase I use. It's like stomping my foot while wearing my glass slipper; I use this line when I must be cautious and respectful of nature (the laws of nature which dictate the fragility of glass, and the nature of my, let's say... determination) Anyways, here it is: "I insist." Use with caution, and say it, only when you mean it. Works best with one raised eyebrow and long eyelashes. ;)

OK, the day starts in 4 hours... I'm looking forward to this day ending.
I wish my friends a sense of peace and empowerment.

Monday, November 14, 2005

The olden days...

Yah, I remember when I first started blogging... oh almost a year ago now, and I made "blog friends" by pushing "Next Blog" again, and again, and again, and again. I didn't (don't) have much of a social life, and this simple process kept me quite amused... AND I made some great friends. I thought I would try the whole "Next Blog" thing again this weekend - wow, things have changed. I couldn't believe how many naked/sexual pictures there are now! Holy! A year ago, it was thrilling to see a picture... ANY picture, and now there's... well, there's... (how do I say) this... ummm... oh, just push "Next Blog" and see for yourself....

Friday, November 11, 2005

Lest we forget...

I've made it through another Remembrance Day. This day really hits me hard, I don't know if it's a collection of all of the cosmic grieving or what...
I lived in the "military world" for a while when I was married. Unless you've lived this kind of life, it is hard to appreciate the sacrifices one makes for country and for peace. I respect those who can leave their families and their homes when called upon for the sake of something greater than perhaps we can imagine. I think of Canadians' involvement in military efforts throughout the ages: the men and women who fought for my country, the ones who were laid to rest in foreign soil, the ones who came back who, in essence, lost their lives for seeing the images of war... the women and families who are left behind, who live in the trenches of fear and loneliness without their loved ones... the women who, especially from WWII, who entered a workforce previously closed off to them, doing the jobs men left vacant, and then to have these jobs and opportunities barricaded once again after the war... the Aboriginal warriors who led and who fought only to have their sovereignty taken away despite their service...

Personally, I grieve for my friends whose soul and spirit have tarnished with the attrocities they've witnessed, whose lives will remain in the shadow of the energy and courage they once embodied, who lost years to war and service in the matter of months they served overseas... to my skydiving buddy, we shared our first free fall together back in the days of the Airborne, he will never be able to walk again or feel the wind on his face at 5000 feet...

Fair winds and soft landings for each tear shed...

Monday, November 07, 2005

Guess who...

Sunday, November 06, 2005

What speaks to me...

One of my favorite all time author/poets/illustrators: Shel Silverstein, From Falling Up

The Voice
There is a voice inside of you
That whispers all day long,
"I feel that this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong."
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
Or wise man can decide
What's right for you - just listen to
The voice that speaks inside.

Where was that conent feeling I had about being single and focusing on my career? I'm really struggling with finding that sense of peace again. Remember my online dating guy who I met recently and who instantly started talking about the "big picture" - the one who scared me away? Well, somehow, we managed to continue talking however; we stepped back from the relationship arena. But then, I finally start to actually make an emotional connection with him, and we start making plans to start seeing each other again, and then... he tells me that he started dating a family friend he's known over half his life when I ended things and now he has to figure out if things are going to work for them.

I'm angry at myself for running away the first time then for unlocking that emotional door by talking to him and now for not moving on expeditiously. He is someone who I connected with right away; I can always tell when he is thinking of me, or when something has happened to him - it's one of those things you can't explain. I wish I wasn't still "connected". I wish I could quiet the voice of regret, shush the sense of hope that in time we will have our second chance and start singing another tune because I'm driving me crazy...

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Saturday evening ramblings...

Man, was I in the right place at the right time yesterday. It's like the past 2 years of work came together in one momentous day of networking, meetings, and shameless self-promotional verbage. Now, I must sit and patiently wait for everything to play out... Have I mentioned before that I'm not the most patient of peoples?

I woke up early, I've been going to bed so early this week, it's kinda freakin me out. I'm usually such a night hawk, and lately, I've been asleep before 9pm. So... I wake up at 7am, start reading my book, which I just started, and read until just after 10am. Ah, what a wonderful lazy Saturday morning. I get a coffee, go back to bed to continue reading, and then, in my book, there is a beautiful, slightly erotic, love story unfolding... what do I do? Start crying. I'm hopeless. Sigh...
I finished my book and now I miss it. I want to know more, I want these characters back in my life so I can vicariously live through them. What a great escape that was. Mindless, pointless, extravagant reading... what are weekends for? (Don't answer that, because, yes, I could have thought of many many many many other things I could be doing this weekend.)

Thursday, November 03, 2005

3 Nov 05: Merci...

1. infinite potential
2. Eternity perfume, and the subtle effect it has on men ;)
3. smiling