I think I can I drink a can...

Well, it's not time yet, but I'm almost there. I can taste it now - a nice crisp cold can of Kokanee (that's the most amazing beer for you foreigners). I shall have a six pack vendredi soir and then I'll sleep.

This day is almost done and I sit here while my extra bergamont Earl Grey tea is brewing, it's quiet, I have all of my paperwork strewn about, and I am ready for infinite genius to erupt from cranium.

(My optimistic vs. realistic personas are a little at odds. I'll settle for something clever and complete.)

Sigh, yawn, creak, here I go...

Good Morning

Hello anyone who happens to come this way. I'm just about done a huge project which I started a couple of months ago. I woke up (at 3am) really feeling like I'm just about there. I can do anything for 2 days. I'm filled with the kind of optimism and euphoria which can only be brought on by extreme exhaustion and relentless determination...

Rediscovered Love

I have found a long lost forgotten love of mine.

I was walking along the lake, the birds were singing, and I could smell the sweetness of fresh cut grass. I was wearing a loose white cotton shirt and a ball cap, the wind whispered in my ears and reminded me how much my love was a part of me and should always be. After going without for four long years, I am reunited and it feels so good.... reunited and it's understood.... I'm a definitely a golfer. Yep definitely a lifer-golfer. Never again will I miss a season on the greens. I'm even thinking of joining a league. It's a ladies' league that meets weekly, but I don't know. Sometimes, especially with sports, I get along better with the fellas. There's an intro night in a couple of weeks and then I'll decide. How I missed it.

And for all of you sickos that may be thinking I'm talking in code, I'm really talking about golfing.

Ode to Blogger

Oh Blogger, I miss thee and thy allure
But there is so much work I must endure
Alas, "fear not" I says to meself
Get off the computer and take the books off the shelf!
The countdown is on and the days are a dwindling
But unless I get to work, I'll just look like a wingding.

Doh, too late. I just re-read my Ode...

18 April 2005: Merci...

1. Music; the best journal of "The Life and Times of S" - isn't it amazing how a song can just bring you right to a specific moment in history (thanks for the tunes Jack)
2. spanking brand new baby leaves on the trees - they're so cute
3. co-operation, collaboration, and cat fights... MEOW women can sure get feline

X

What is it about ex's? When you've gotten to that point when you think you've healed and conquered fears and moved on. Then the phone call. Just when I was almost at the point of disregarding the awful stuff I've kept stored in my vault for so many years to the point of remembering with fondness the good stuff and the lessons I've learned.

He just has to open his mouth, long enough for him to utter prehistoric guttural noises; I can envision his King-Kong stance, his neanderthalic glare, and that little bit of drool which escapes from the corner of his mouth... and that's me being polite. There's a reason I have caller ID, and it's usually to spare myself moments like this when I would really love to share exactly what is on my mind but don't want the karmic debt.

Oh well, I'll get over it. I always do. I have a birthday function to get dolled-up for and a perhaps a beverage... or perhaps two...

14 April 2005: Merci...

1. Good news is always better than great.
2. Moving on...
3. Courage is the ability to act in spite of fear and I roar in the face of fear.

14 April 2005: Merci...

1. Just when you thought things couldn't get worse, they can actually get better.
2. A few kind words of encouragement is a wonderful gift.
3. The first butterfly of the season I saw today :)

11 April 2005: Merci...

1. my blog is still here, even when I ignore it
2. the payoff for perseverence and determination
3. spring breezes, open windows at night, cozy thoughts before bed

Searching

No, this isn't a profound soul-searching post. I'm searching for that perfect bar/pub/hang-out. I like to hang back, have a few beers, play darts, listen to good music, be able to talk to my friends and actually be able to hear my friends. I want to have fun and talk to people without getting the meat-market lines. I want to show up in my Levis, white t-shirt and red cap and not feel like I'm slummin...
I'm off on my quest - wish me luck all.
Cheers

Voices

I followed that "little voice in my head" today. The funny thing about following your intuition is that you just never really know if you made the right decision. You just carry on hoping that you've made the right choice.

I really think there's more to instincts than we give credit to. Of course there's "those" kind of instincts which can be a lot of fun. These instincts can be best brought out in me with Jack Daniels and Coke...

Then there are the more profound instinctual tendencies which make you reach for the phone before it rings or the days you take a different way to the grocery store only to find out there was a major car wreck on your normal route. Again, it's that voice in your head...

What I wish I could put on mute are all of the little things I say to myself in a day. These statements usually start with: "I should have blah blah blah". I was just told by one of my supervisors that I was too hard on myself. I've even been accused of being a chronic over-achiever. Gasp.

There's such a fine line between ambition and determination and abuse and deterioration. It's a tight rope really. I guess it's only fitting considering my life is such a circus to begin with. I just wish there were more half naked (heterosexual)men in skimpy outfits around. For now, I'll have to settle with being the elephant pooper-scooper. How glamorous is that?

Yikes!

Help.... I'm flying and I can't come down!

(If you're confused, you have to read my previous post)

My cape is in a knot and I just can't seem to quit. I've been working like a crazy-girl all day. I love it when I get like this - I have accomplished SO much! Now I have to figure out how to come down, get some sleep, and get back up in the high productivity mode in a mere 4 hours...

Where's My Cape?

Okay, time to get myself whipped into shape. And not the kinky stuff either. I mean there are so many things I should have been doing over my last few days off. They are all sitting there today, staring at me in the face. Time to go go go go. Don't think, just do.

I did have a wonderful break though. The last couple of days I've been trying to figure out what's going on with me. I'll be sitting there and all of a sudden I become aware that I'm smiling and there are no wrinkles across my forehead. No it's not Botox... I'm relaxed. Wow. Who'd a thunk that I could actually be so relaxed. Sigh. Smile.

Three more weeks until I finish this next project and three more months until my summer officially starts. I'm putting on my Supergirl cape and here I go: up up and away...

Skipping Stones

I'm taking a year off as a prankster and I've decided not to do any elaborate April Fool's jokes on anyone. Ho hum, maybe I'm just getting boring, maybe it's just too early in the day... he he he he.

I'm always people watching and I am eternally fascinated by what people do and the reasons why they do it. Yesterday, I was watching some kids throw rocks into the river - they were trying to skip the rocks. There was an older gentleman trying to teach them how to find the smooth circular rocks and how to spin the rock like a frisbee. In the kids' search for the perfect rock, they kept testing deeper and deeper along the river's edge. After a few of minutes, their feet were all wet - remember I live in Canada and this is glacial water we're talking about. Brrrr... What struck me was the fact that there was about 30 feet of "rock beach" that extended for miles, but these kids insisted on going into the water.

The saying that it's the journey, not the destination comes to mind. No doubt there were many perfect rocks that were quite literally under their feet. But to see these kids' face light up when they found a rock that was so far out and about 5 inches underwater...

I'm almost forced to question if I'm any different. I'm sure "perfection" is practically at my feet in one respect or another. I'm sure there are easier paths I could have taken in life. I'm sure there are clearly marked "forks in the road" which I could choose to follow in the future. But what about that one which seems just out of reach?

Maybe these nameless kids helped me to remember that it's the thrill of the experience, that elation in finding a little treasure where perhaps no one else could see it - that's life, that's living.

:)