Sunday, July 31, 2005

Etch My Sketch

(Disclaimer: This is not a sexual post...)

Have you ever turned one knob at a time on an Etch-A-Sketch and just "scribbled"? There's a whole bunch of straight lines everywhere - it almost looks like a maze? That's how I feel like my brain is working. Give me a couple of days off and I just move around and think like that. I am a task-oriented, goal-driven person; sometimes good, sometimes not so good... I am currently without structure, at home, and so wanting to do a million things. I move full force in one direction then another then another and then... another then another - you get my Etch-A-Picture? If only someone could shake me upside down...

Oh yah, this is not a sexual post ;)

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Here here

Is it here here or hear hear? Ah, doesn't matter...


doom dee doom dee doom dee dum


Tuesday, July 26, 2005


I finally had an evening where I didn't have a deadline for the next day. Even though I am terribly sleep deprived, I wanted to watch a movie or do something, anything but work.

I watched Hotel Rhwanda. I'm sitting here now toasting all of you who read this as I drink water from my tap. The last few days, I've been contemplating all of the things I want to accomplish; my goals, my dreams, my desires. I've been tired and feeling so worn out. In fact, I started feeling sorry for myself for all of the things I've had to struggle with in my life. I sit here, humbled. All this time, I've been thinking of the "to do's" and I haven't given enough time and energy to appreciate "ability". I'm ashamed to think that I've had it rough. That I've "struggled". How quickly I've forgotten history's lessons and how I've ignored the teachings that are in front of me.

I locked my door and gave a moment to appreciate the sense of security I felt when I turned the knob and clicked the deadbolt. I thought of my family who is more than likely all sound asleep under warm blankets and quiet skies. I think of my day tomorrow and see it with endless possibilities and most important, filled with ability to do as I choose. I swallow cold clean water and I toast "the powers that be" which have allowed me to be born in this time and place.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Coming soon...

I just read a post by and it got me to thinking about the things I want to do while I'm here - here as in alive. What do I want to do, what do I want to accomplish, who do I want to be, what do I want to pass onto others, how do I want to be remembered, how am I going to leave this world a better place, how am I going to contribute, what difference is my life going to make?

Just a few thoughts running through my head instead of the work I'm supposed to be doing. Thanks for the diversion Red ;)

Maybe after a couple sips of wine on Friday, I'll be able to come up with the answers to some of these questions.

Not the wildlife I had in mind...

I don't know what's going on, but you wouldn't believe the animals that are out there! Tonight, I was just sitting outside, minding my own beeswax and a badger came up behind me. Thank goodness he left me alone. Yesterday, it was a coyote. Granted it was 5am and I was still in the middle of a project I started working on sometime the day before. I'm looking at him and wondering; what the hell are you doing here? He looks back and says; getting breakfast, what the hell are you doing out here? I says, none of your beeswax. There was also a dove on my balcony the other day. I was so surprised! I've never seen a "wild" dove before.

It's summer, I should be the wild one out there partying it up and lurking about in the night. But nooooooooo, here I am not working on what I should be working on...

Badgers run really really really really really fast and they are NOT afraid of little ol' me!

Monday, July 18, 2005

The Games We Play

My grandparents have just moved out of their home and into a nursing home. My grandpa just went through surgery for cancer and they've found out he has leukemia. This will be a rough summer for my family. I just went to see him and I know we said our last good bye's in this world. While we were visiting and playing cards, I was struck how the games we play in our lives mark different stages. I look at other members of my family and I can see how symbolic: there are those who play for fun, those who play to win, and losers who find ways to take advantage of others weaknesses. I've learned a lot about human nature this weekend.

Dying is a when, not an if. If you're gonna play, play fair, play for fun - the game is only as fun as the people you're with. Choose wisely. Choose the people you surround yourself with.

I'm overwhelmed with responsbilities right now. I'm exhausted and have to keep reminding myself: lift foot, place in front of body, transfer weight to foot in front, repeat with other foot, inhale, exhale, sigh, repeat and roll the dice again...

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

How to beat the heat?

I'm not enjoying this hot weather... This is ridiculous.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Summer is great :)

Well, I've had a great week of camping and partying and basically just doing whatever I want. I caught a live band last night, came home some time this morning and slept until 6pm. I played hooky from all of my responsibilities, read a trashy novel and drank about 4 gallons of water...

I've just been cooking in my place - I couldn't figure it out. I just realized my heat was on! All the fans are going and it's finally cooling off.

Well, my coffee is just about done brewing. I'm feeling awake and it's time to catch up on all of the work I've been putting off and evading. Thpllllt. Oh well, it was worth it. It's amazing how great it is when you give yourself "permission" to just do that which gives you joy. What have you done lately, something just for you?

Friday, July 01, 2005

A camping I will go, a camping I will go....

Wow, it's after 3am and I'm still packing for just a single night of camping. It started off with a tent. I thought, hey I can do this, I'm a grown-up, I can camp like when I was a kid...
Then I needed a sleeping bag, then I needed an air mattress, then I needed a lantern, and then and then and then. I talked with my buddy to confirm times and places. Well, no silly ol' camp ground for me. I'm REALLY going camping. No potties or anything. (Yikes). Then he so kindly reminded me that I needed to bring food and something to cook on. SO then I needed a Coleman, and then I needed propane, and then I needed cookware (there's no way my Lagostina is going to see an open flame!), and then and then and then.
I've been in a ziploc duffle bag fury, but I think I'm finally almost getting ready. I did get a really cool Gerber "saw" and a hatchet. (Insert evil laugh). Don't worry, I also packed band aids and a full first aid kit.
I'm so excited! We're going rafting (so then I got a lifejacket) and hiking in the mountains. Yipee!!!

PS - Happy Canada Day eh!