Monday, February 28, 2005

Merci Moments

Feel free to add any of your own things you are grateful for...

I'll go back to posting more in a few days, this week is just a little work-crazy.

28 Feb 05: Merci...

1. youthful moments of passion and optimism
2. my flannel sheets
3. the way my Mom lets me know she cares and understands

Sunday, February 27, 2005

27 Feb 05: Merci...

1. long walks along the river and grassy little areas for catnaps
2. believing that life is a "get to", not a "got to"
3. someone who asks "how was your day?" and really wants to know the answer

Saturday, February 26, 2005

26 Feb 05 : Merci...

1. pictures which make me feel closer to those who are far away
2. little surprise gifts given just because
3. friends who appear to help get a job done

Capt. Sam's Blog Date: Week Five

I find an interesting transition going on in my blog. Where I used to write keeping an "audience" in mind, I find I'm moving more into a journal approach. However; is this the chicken and the egg - is it because not many people read my blog that I'm doing this, or is it more of an introspective phase?

I mentioned the keynote speaker in my last post. She also talked about a gratitude journal; I am to write down at least 3 things I am grateful for each day. I've started so many journals over the years. Then I hide them away so no one else can find them... and then I have to start a new journal. I am very good at hiding. I'm going to try to blog these three things every day. It will mean revealing more aspects of my life, but I think I am getting more comfortable with blogging to be able to do this.

Over the last week, I've also found value in just typing and writing. There's always the fear of the blank white page, but sometimes a scribble can turn into a masterpiece.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Moments for Me

I was listening to a keynote speaker this week and she gave me a useful reminder to schedule time for myself and to make "me" a priority. That's a lot harder than it seems. She suggested that a lot of us don't take care of ourselves because there is an underlying sense that we don't deserve it. How do you "fix" that?

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Unknown World

I stand in the doorway of an unknown world
A voice calls out and I am reminded to behold:

Your footsteps are the markers
Of the path you have tread
They are not meant to determine
What lies ahead

Look forward to the horizon
And do not fear what is unseen
Live not your life
For what might have been

Life’s journey will bring you
Through heaven and hell
It is your decision
Upon which your thoughts dwell

I stand in the doorway of an unknown world
My legs are weary and my soul feels so old

It is then that I realize I have not stepped across
The threshold of wonder and the borders of loss

My hands reach out before me into this unknown world
A stranger comes by and I am reminded to behold:

Your footsteps are the markers
Of the path you have tread
They are not meant to determine
What lies ahead

Look forward to the horizon
And do not fear what is unseen
My friend it matters not
The places you have been

Life’s journey will bring you
Through heaven and hell
Take my hand for a while
Let the future foretell

I now soar with wings of hope and of trust
My spirit shines golden, tainted with lust
I continue to venture in this unknown world
My friend at my side, his hand I will hold

Spring Tease

I have the distinct feeling that spring is on its way. I sat down on the front step to take a minute and enjoy the sun. Every time I'm on the trails, it's getting warmer and there is less and less ice. I don't even wear mitts anymore, eh!

I find springtime to be quite industrious. I'm thinking that might explain my last post... This year, I've decided to extend my spring cleaning to my "emotional house". The last couple of months, I've worked some pretty tough issues and I'm ready to take it to the Trash. Put the crap out on the curb. Recycle only the good and the useful. This is a conscious decision.

How else are the fruits of summer supposed to be eaten if you don't weed in the spring?

Joe Dirt said it best: "Life's a garden, dig it"... and "Keep on movin on..."

Monday, February 21, 2005

"Female" Instincts

I fully own up to the fact that what I am about to say is completely gender-biased and stereotyped...

I get into these completely "maternal" moods. For instance, this weekend I have been a maternal machine. I've made homemade turkey soup, baked muffins, biscuits, cookies, I have cleaned every little corner of my kitchen, laundry, I even took out my next sewing project, I polished all of my dress shoes, re-organized my bathroom cupboards.... (I did manage to go out and party all night one night too - but that's besides the point.)

Do guys go through similar moods but with power tools and fix-it projects?
Inquiring minds want to know.

Sunday, February 20, 2005


I was just thinking about all of the things people talk about on-line that they don't mention in the real world. It's funny really. I'm sure that people on-line spend as much "quality time" with themselves as the people we see in our every day lives... we just don't talk about it.
I guess I do have one real world friend with whom I can discuss various "toys" on the market and various "activities" we could do. But, my guess is if we had some body to participate in "activities", we wouldn't be talking about them with each other... sigh.
Just a Sunday afternoon observation...

Tuesday, February 15, 2005


I've been having a harder time getting to the computer to post lately. I'm not sure if I really have anything interesting to say. Today, I just wanted to start typing and see where it takes me.

Hmmm... what's on my mind...that I can share....Ok... I've backspaced 9 times already. Make that 10 times...

Ok, here we go. If you want to find out the "essence" of some one, if you want to find out their true nature, what would you ask this person?

Here is my question:

You and your friend both want to eat a banana. You go to get a banana, and you notice there is only a good banana and a bad banana left. How would you solve this dilemna?

How about you answer this and give me one question that you would ask.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Home Sweet Home

I went home this weekend. It was great to emotionally and physically refuel. I slept like you wouldn't believe, ate plenty, drank my Dad's homemade wine, and had fun catching up. I love it when I meet people I've known almost all my life in stores and on the street. I feel like I was "missed" in my hometown. When people ask "how are you?" they expect the half hour version, not the perfunctory "fine, how are you?".
It's funny being an adult in your parents' home after you've moved out though. I find I take over the kitchen, plan the meals, and become the overall social organizer. Maybe it's because I'm the eldest daughter, or perhaps, it's just my nature. There are some weird dynamics happening too. My Dad and I have a whole secret sign language primarily aimed at finding amusement in my Mom's eccentricities; and my Mom and I speak more as friends and confidants now. I tried to explain this whole secret Land of Blog to her, but I don't know if she could really understand the role it plays in my life. It's my hortus conclusus. It's my human connection. It's my time out. It's my counselling session. It's my medium to channel explicit thoughts. It's fun!
Yep, 2 days was about enough... I missed my friends, my privacy, and my own cozy little home sweet home. Glad to be back :)

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Sam cries...

My dog died 6 years ago today and I miss him :(

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Capt. Sam's Blog Date: Week Three (almost Four)

It’s one of those nights when you know you should be sleeping, and yet there is a compelling need to write. I’ve recently read over my blog (still have a hard time with that word). I found out some interesting things about myself.

First of all, I pretty much walk around horny all of the time. I remember hearing about women in their 30s. When I was in my 20s, I didn’t think it was possible to think about sex any more than I already did. Well, it is. In many respects, I’m a female version of one of those guys women love to bash. You know the kind – the one who is always making sexual innuendos, undressing you with your eyes, biting their hand or fingers instead of grabbing your ass, flirting without any intention of putting out, relishing in making the most of their assets (and cleavage) and driving someone crazy. Yep, I think that just may be me - and I wonder why there's only my toothbrush in the bathroom. I don’t think there is one corner of my real life world where I haven’t brought an image of how I would play out a scene with my make-believe guy. I exhaust me sometimes.

Second, I am beyond an emotional rollercoaster, I am the whole damn amusement park. Maybe it’s because most of my thoughts in here are uncensored and whatever I am feeling is instantly conveyed through my keyboard. Maybe there are just so many things going on in my life, that these are legitimate psychological tremors. Or maybe, gasp, it’s just me... Nah, couldn’t be. Most people comment on how expressive I am. You never have to guess with me; if I’m sad, I’m really sad and I cry; if I’m happy, I’m really happy and I laugh; if I’m angry, just look out; if I’m horny... who am I kidding – “if”? Anyways, I guess, I’m learning that the “essence” of me is expressive and emotional and (hopefully to those who know me) endearing. What I aspire to achieve, is the ability to channel all of this energy in a positive way.

Lastly, I think I have set up a little summer cottage here in the Land of Blog. I’ve managed to keep my permanent address in real life, but I truly enjoy a few moments of holiday here. There's nothing like a lime margarita on a sizzling summer's day. Speaking of which, man it's hot, can anyone put some sun tan oil on my back.... hee hee.


Monday, February 07, 2005

The Close

I played hooky today and went shopping. I have to say a thank you for anyone who has worked in sales and who has been really helpful - you know who I'm talking about. The people who really go the extra mile.

I admit, I can be a demanding shopper: I want quality. I want to know how it works, how well it was made, and how long it's going to last. I will ask a million questions and I super appreciate the person who can answer them for me... without making me feel stupid. Believe me, a good sales person can certainly close a deal and get plenty of my money.

Here ends my little homage to the helpful girl from the "boutique".
Merci beaucoup.

Sunday, February 06, 2005


I just love winning :)

Go Team

Until a couple of hours ago, I didn't even know who was playing... but I love football. I have to go out of the house to watch it, because otherwise things get a little too rowdy. I just love screaming and hooting and hollaring at a whole team of sweaty men in tight pants... and then there's the thrill of the sport of course.
I'm going for the Patriots. I lived on the coast in New Hampshire and I loved how much they loved their team out there. Works for me!
My place is now lemon-fresh and I have a couple of hours to do some vocal exercises so I am in tip top cheering state.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Friday Rules

Friday rules are great. (1) go for beer after a hard day (2) come home and put on the best PJs in the whole entire world (3) stock up on popcorn… and maybe just a couple more beer (4) select movies from four major genres: chick flick, war/action, comedy, and … whatever is on late-night TV :)


Wednesday, February 02, 2005

The Cross-Eyed Girl

The cross-eyed girl was such a sight to see
She’d stumble and mumble, “What about me?”

The cross-eyed girl, she could be so crass
But all she really wanted was a piece of

I was saying,
She’d stumble and mumble about
She’d stomp, stomp, stomp, pout.

The cross-eyed girl, oh, she did learn her lesson
When she finally found what she’s been missin.

What, you might ask, was this mysterious lesson
Oh, it’s much more fun, if I leave you guessin...


During my time out, I was singing a song and I wanted to share these words:

Though many dangers, toils, and snares
I have already come;
Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

Someone just thanked me for standing up to the person I was talking about in my last post because she felt that she wasn't strong enough to do it. Furthermore, I have a written apology from "the man" himself for being out of line. Wow.

Just thought I would record these events as a memo to me to have the courage to stand up for what I believe in with enough grace to avoid being a B.... (barracuda).

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

What's new pussy cat?

La La land has escaped me for the moment, and so I shall indulge in a moment of rage. Why must such a fiery little temper reside in such a normally cheerful and optimistic soul? I really am one of those people who is always seeing humor in something, laughing, making jokes (mostly at myself)- and then there are times when I can feel my face morphing into this lioness-head-like creature and I roar. Bipolar? Schizo? Freakazoid? (Gentlemen, don’t you dare suggest it’s just “that time of the month”…)

I wouldn’t say I’m a feminist – I’ve never really read up on any of the post-modern feminist movement, but something is just intrinsically wrong with how some people treat women. When I stand up and call BULLSHIT when people are spewing bullshit out of their mouth - there’s a hush in the crowd and I hear their thoughts…”Bitch”.

There’s such a dualistic maelstrom brewing in my psyche. Part of me is proud when I stand up for myself, when I roar my rebuttal and make grown men hang their head in shame and women retract their claws. But then there’s the other, slightly softer, maternal side that starts immediately formulating an apology for “upsetting” anyone.

One thing’s, for sure - I certainly wouldn’t want to be in an argument with me. I go for the jugular when some one tries to power-trip me. Roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

OK, maybe I’m taking this dualistic nature a little too far. I think I just threatened myself?!